The Lost and Hopeful....

And today on, "The Lost and The Hopeful"

When we last left our heroine she was off to Paris on a European vacation...

She spent years trying to find herself and live without the drama of her 20's.... She built walls up all around her so that nothing could ever hurt. She was a friend to everyone... believed that her purpose and everyones purpose for that matter should be to help mankind. She never got to close to people though for fear of rejection and pain...

Her life was amazing... Shes say out loud to herself at the Pantheon in Rome on Thursday how her life could not get better..."What more could I possibly ask for?" She spent an amazing 2 weeks in Europe with her mom who she never got along with but was having the best time with. She had a job in a recession where most of her friends were unemployed. She had her own apartment, amazing friends and felt excited to turn 30. And did I mention she had the most wonderful boyfriend in the whole wide world?

Its amazing how life turns on a dime... In a few minutes she would step on and break her Moms toe... 2 days later while driving home from the airport her amazing boyfriend would break up with her on the FDR drive in Manhattan and tell her it was because he loved her... The Next day She would land up laying amoungst bottles of vodka in his sweatshirt begging him not to leave her.... The next day she is carrying wastebaskets of water up to her mom with the broken toe because of a water main break and falls and spills water all over her. She cant remember what trains to take to get to her friends so she takes a cab. The day after that She would return to her job to find out that she was perceived as not getting the job done...and only hearing more about the turmoil that her company was in... but the worst news she would hear comes from herself just 5 days after thinking she could not ask for more.... She would realize that she lost herself.

Was the girl who was so happy with her gelato and wallet full of Euro someone else? She must be because that girl knew how to get up in the morning and get ready for work. She knew that there were 3 meals in a day (and in her case 6). She knew that breathing was supposed to happen continuously. She knew how to smile. She knew to put one foot in front of the other. And when asked over to a friends house she knew how to get there... but TODAY.... she has to think about whether the shampoo or conditioner come first... She has to remind herself to breathe occasionally and she needs to ask, "Did I Eat today?"

Everything that she does reminds her of him. She has a whole bed to herself but one side is still made up. Her Ipod is her enemy. Breathing is hard...

But she needs to put one foot in front of the other and deal with her moms broken toe... and get water for the family... and work her ass off on her A game to prove that she is a valuable member at work and the hardest part of her day is knowing what to do when she gets home cuz she is not cooking dinner for him.

Many have come and go in the past and breakups are always hard but no one has left with a piece of her... and He took away the logic and reason of the world... He took away a piece of her heart and she prays to have it returned....

He says there is a chance he is coming back... is that to make her feel better? Does it really make her feel better? Is he coming back or this the end of the story?

Will she do it ladies and gentleman? For she herself may never know!

Tune in next time to see what happens on "The Lost and Hopeful"